Real Bodies: ‘I have HIV – and I’m getting on with life and looking after my body’

Paul Fleming, 51, Fundraising and Communications Director. Height: 5’9, Weight: 11 stoneWhy I’m posing for Real Bodies:

I thought it would be good for someone my age with HIV to stand and say there’s no reason to feel bad about yourself, or feel like you can’t get on with life. I’m getting on with mine and looking after my body. I’m doing a half-marathon next month so I’m pretty fit and have been since the diagnosis. Staying fit won’t cure HIV but it won’t do any harm either.

Do you feel comfortable naked around others?

Yeah. I don’t feel uncomfortable getting my shirt off or walking around the locker room naked.

Do you think there’s pressure on gay men to look good?

There’s a huge amount of pressure. One of the good things at this age is that you can look ordinary without dissing it, as opposed to the entire photo cropping and tarting up. It’s just unhealthy. Most of the magazines are full of perfect looking people, and for the gay community, which is quite body fascist, it really isn’t helpful.

Who do you blame for this pressure?

It’s a catch-22 really. If your magazine was full of not-so-great-looking people it wouldn’t sell. The tabloids are the same with photographs of celebrities at bad moments. It sells the paper. Look at Princess Diana. She still sells. Look at the Daily Express.

Do you post shirtless selfies and why do you think people do?

No, I don’t. I think for most people it’s a bit of fun. It’s no big deal. Young guys have grown up with this as a norm. If you’ve always been familiar with it then you wouldn’t think twice about it.

Do you think there’s a difference with how we relate to each other as men as opposed to straight people as we project our own attractiveness goals on who we want to date?

Looking good is kind of central to being gay – a generalisation but it does exist. Straight people my age tend to let themselves go whereas for gay men, looking after yourself is still apparent. Straight women are still looking attractive, still making an effort to look great. Some straight men have let themselves go. Gay men are still up there with the sisters.

Manscaping

When I was diagnosed I was referred to a Positive Health Scheme. That encouraged me to go to the gym. I trim. I don’t mind hairy guys but I’d rather it be neat.

Top Body product

Anything by L’Oreal. I’d like if I had the money for the more expensive stuff but L’Oreal works fine. L’Oreal’s men’s range, or something by Boots or Nivea. Superdrug always helps. I don’t spend a lot on body products really.

Clothes

I’m quite skinny so I can get away with wearing skinny jeans and skinny-fit t-shirts. I like to wear things that bring out my definition – especially my upper body, like my abs and chest.

Ideal man

For me it’s got to be someone who is dark and rugged; I like Latin men. Aidan Turner from BBC’s Poldark is pretty fit and handsome though.

Diet

I’m lucky because I was born skinny and pretty much stayed that way. I’m one of those people who can eat anything and not put on weight, but who can also look at a weight machine and put on definition. I try and make sure that I get my five a day. I always have breakfast and try to avoid fast food, but I’m partial to a meat and potato pie. Chocolate too, Twirl is probably my favourite.

Each month in Attitude we profile one reader for our Real Bodies column. More Real Bodies:

“I’m not striking a pose when I have sex!”

“There’s pressure to fit the gay porn star ideal”